Friday, 31 May 2019

Little things aren't little

His visit to India after years, took me to a trip down the memory lane. My childhood memory flashed before my eyes and I revisited that place where some old familiar voices kept longing to be heard, and today they echoed from the back of my mind... I shrank from within for not visiting the beautiful place that belonged to me...and  how I swept by the tide of time and got entangled in my own cobwebs that gathered around me in my pursuit of becoming a successful person.

I still remember that summer evening, birds chirping outside and a gloomy silence inside filled my room. Suddenly the silence broke, a five year old child, came running with tears in  her eyes,"I have my fancy dress competition tomorrow, and I will be the only princess with no crown! Can you help? Pleeease!!"

"I have my pastel colors and drawing sheet and also glitters with me.", I added wiping my tears.

A voice came from the other end of the room, "Alll..right! leave your stuff on my table. Let's talk tomorrow."
That night, I couldn't sleep properly from anxiety, that event is very important to me and  Kavita Mam clearly said that princess has a crown. Vivid disturbing thoughts were crossing my mind. God! Please help..! By no means, I am going to attend my competition without my crown. Noo...way!! Those thoughts kept me up.
Next morning,  as soon as I opened my eyes, I anxiously ran into his room. Oh! noo..! he was sleeping!!
I slowly moved to his table and found his thick books that were strictly prohibited to be touched by children were lying on his table half-opened. But, my colors and sheets...where are they? I tried shifting those books. "Phew!! why are they so heavy! they are just books". I searched for my colors keeping an eye at him to make sure he doesn't catch me touching his books, then I took a step back and tiptoed to the door.

I said to myself, "Perhaps, it was a foolish thing for him to do that or maybe I was foolish to think! How does that matter, you're not a princess, anyway!" with a deep sigh of disappointment, I said to myself, as I collected my color box as soon as I found them lying behind those overweight books.

I turned back once again to see if he was awake by now. He was still asleep. And suddenly, my gaze fell upon something in golden.. wait..what is that?  My jaw dropped in surprise and eyes filled with joy, I blinked my eyes a time or two to clear my vision ...a crown? Oh! Lord! Yes, it was a  beautiful handmade crown, lying next to his table fan, decorated with glitters!! It was indeed the most wonderful crown, even more beautiful than those I've seen in those disney cartoons. Awww..he really did that!! He made me a crown! I was so awestruck!

On my way to school, I kept smiling. It wasn't about the competition anymore because I already had my prize!

After years, I realized I got two prizes that day, one was the acknowledgement of how lucky I was to have an elder brother like him, another one was the crown made by him.

Even after years, he is the same man now, with that same old love and compassion in his tone. Nothing has changed him- living abroad for years with his family, two children, job, and other responsibilities. Today, as I am sharing my old memory breaking all those strands of complacency coiled around me, and recollecting old pages of memory, I know that he may laugh at this, because maybe he doesn't remember in details, maybe he counts it in little things, but for me, it wasn't ! It was not mere a crown to me, but keeping a child's trust, not mere words that came out of his mouth, but a promise...or maybe.. much more than that!

Thursday, 30 May 2019

Treasure Of Happiness

Undoubtedly, the vision of tomorrow thrives us while other times we can't deny the fact that there also resides an illusion inside that, only tomorrow will bring us happiness, and not today, drains us.

A thought in our mind always exists, that our next moment is going to be our happiest moment once 'this' happens to us, or once if we achieve 'that'. But, the truth is it doesn't work that way.

Happiness is never the next destination, be it your next job, or next place, or maybe next person, Nooo!! Absolutely not! It is like a mirage, from miles away you can see an oasis in the desert and the moment you reach out for it, it's not there! So is happiness, never present in that point where you have been looking for, but always lying right here, next to you.

Sometimes in the struggle, while other times in those small unnamed moments spent with people we love, but always here with us in this very moment we are living in, and if you can't feel it now, you are never gonna find it in the next..!

 Like the innocent musk deer [KasturiMrig in India] enchanted by a scent, who keeps roaming madly, miles and miles to discover the original source of the fragrance. Unaware of the truth that the musk gland also called 'musk pod' is present inside them in a pouch in their naval, that emits the fragrance. [Kasturi in Indian Ayurveda]. They spend their entire life running after that wonderful fragrance, looking for its source and never gets to know the truth. What an irony!

Seeking for treasure of happiness in our spiritual journey, we are already missing it! We should smile for the 'now', the most precious moment is already happening in our life !

Take me home!

"I crave those nights of power cuts when we stepped outside our rooms to search for the constellations we had read about in our science...